Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Training wheels and the Wind in my face

Have you ever had those days where you had to leave your training wheels on? I have those days more as I get older. When you’re young and start with the training wheels you are so excited! You’re on top of the world, riding with such confidence, but all along knowing your training wheels won’t let you fall. Then the big day comes and it’s time to take the wheels off and take matters in your own hands. You have to trust yourself! You think I can do this. Steady, focus, that’s good! Now take a deep breath, balance….you can do this…watch out, balance...You’re doing it, you are in control! With the wind in your face, your head held high, you’re riding along with so much confidence!

Wobble….steady…watch out! Crash, you fall, hurt your pride and your will power to get back on. I try over and over again. My body weight is up, then down. Dress sizes small, then large, then small, then larger. My self confidence is on a roller coaster. I’m happy one day, sad the next. What’s going on? Why is my body turning against me? Why am I in pain, feeling lazy and tired all the time? Why do I hate seeing myself in any mirror I pass? Why do I hate being around those I love?

I find the will to live. I get back on the seat, steady my feet, balance my thoughts…slowly…that’s good, I keep trying…watch out, focus, think clearly….take my time! I’m doing it! Today, I’m doing it! Look at me! I found the balance I needed to get myself confidence back. I am in control. I’m eating healthy. I’m off the couch and exercising. Yea, I’m losing weight, reaching goals, but most of all I’m having a lot more happy days than sad! I have more energy. I like what I see in the mirror. I like me and I want to be around my loved ones and share that love. I start to feel the wind in my face…..watch out, I’m wobbling. I ‘m getting older, I don’t have all green days, I didn’t drink all my water…..steady…..steady, focus…That’s it! Get up, drink a glass of water, eat that fruit…..log it…..that’s right…You’ll be OK…your still in control!

The training wheels are gathering dust in the corner now. I’m not saying I won’t ever have to put them back on, but have comfort in knowing if I need them they are there to hold me up. For now, the wind is in my face as I ride on my path to a healthier, happier, more balanced person….Me!

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